Remembering

Jacob has a Memory Box assignment for one of his classes. I think he was supposed to record the memories as I told them to him, but I thought this was a good reason to write. What follows are two separate rememberings.

Valentine's Day 2003
Sometimes being a mother is kind of tough and often thankless. One of my favorite “mothering” memories is Valentine’s Day 2003. Typical of that time in our lives Todd was working late into the evening. Knowing well in advance that Todd wouldn’t be home, I planned for a few weeks a little family celebration. For the week prior to the event, I made little heart shaped containers for each child and hung them up on the banister. I cut out a bunch of paper hearts that I would put into each child’s heart when I saw them do something kind for another member of the family. The children thought this was so fun and really got into doing nice things for each other and Todd and I. As they were really little their good deeds generally consisted of putting away their toys, eating dinner without complaining, giving each other hugs and sharing toys. We had a great week. Since money was tight, I decided to make each child a gift instead of buying candy or toys. I found some $1 fabric with red stripes and made them each pajama pants.
On Valentine’s Day, we played, went to preschool, and exchanged Valentine’s with our neighbor friends. At dinnertime, our family fun began. I made chicken nuggets (their favorite) and Valentine’s sugar cookies. Then I read each child the good deeds I had observed during the week. They were amazed at all the good things they’d done. We were feeling so happy and so much love for our little family. The children kept hugging each other and me and telling me how much they loved our family. I gave them their pajamas and we all had to put them on and DANCE! We turned on some fun music and danced and danced. When it was finally bedtime we hugged some more and said some more “I love you”s. For me, this was a wonderful mothering payday.

Gwen
Losing people you love will always be hard, but the remembering is easy and good. When Gwen, Todd’s mother, was diagnosed with cancer, it came as such a surprise. We were really hopeful at first, but soon came to realize that due to her pulmonary fibrosis, her strength just wasn’t going to be enough to fight the disease. I remember one day that she was in the hospital and I decided to go and spend the day with her. It must have been a Saturday and Todd was with the kids or I had a babysitter, because I went alone. I remember feeling awkward and unsure of what I should do. She was so weak and tired. Her hospital room was small with only one chair for a visitor. We talked about the kids for a while, but then she felt too tired to talk and needed a nap. I remember sitting there thinking and wishing that I should be doing something more helpful than just sitting and visiting, but I didn’t know what that could be. When it was time for lunch, she wasn’t hungry and didn’t want to eat, but the nurse let me know that it was my job to see that she ate something. I sat on the edge of the bed and fed Gwen small spoonfuls of Chicken Noodle soup, coaxing her all the while. I could tell that she was grateful for the help, but a little embarrassed that she was too weak to feed herself. After her meal, I could only stay for a few more minutes. It was then that I decided that I would drive to Draper each week to visit. We had a couple more times when it was just Gwen and I, but not enough. I was always afraid to tell her how much I loved her. I always told her I loved her, but I don’t think I said enough. I wanted to tell her thank-you for being my friend no matter what. Tell her that she had taught me so many useful and helpful things. And showed me that it was more important to get down on the floor and play with my children than worry about the toys that didn’t get put away. Her little random notes of encouragement and love were some of my most treasured things. That I was so grateful she raised such a wonderful son. And so many more things. Someday I will get a chance to tell her this. I hope she knew. I hope she could feel my love and concern and genuine gratitude for having her for my mother-in-law.